Ahhh, the Old Ball 'n' Chain

School... **cue Supertramp**... I feel like I've been working all weekend and yet haven't accomplished very much. Three papers and a midterm this week - but we all go through it, so I shouldn't complain. I can't even be angry with myself for not working hard because I have been (for a change). It will be interesting to see if doing stuff NOT the day before it's due makes any difference. Because if it doesn't, well then I'll just go back to procrastination ;).So why am I writing in here, if I have lots of things to do? Well, it's my little indulgence I think; a little escape from the academia. A necessary sometimes.

I went to church this morning, and it was really special for one reason in particular - Kelly. I have been feeling incredibly discouraged about my family lately, so to have my little sister come was so COOL. I'm not sure what she thought of it, and I don't think she knows either, but considering she's been with me only once before, I'd say getting her in the door, introducing her to people who lead youth... it can't be a bad thing. I've asked her about going to the youth group on Thursday nights, and I think she's nervous but is showing a bit of interest. I want to nurture this interest.

Andrea and Kyra came as well. I love that little girl so much - I can't believe she's two! I've given up on trying to get her to call me Auntie, grumble grumble. Awww, her eyes are so blue, almost turquoise; they're stunning and just radiate from her little face. We danced together during worship and she clapped and laughed. Hmm... Andrea didn't even get paged to the nursery ever 10 minutes like normal. So I guess it was a good day for bringing family. Andrea might come to YA tomorrow night, which'd be cool - I like spending time with my cousin now that the age difference isn't as severe as it once was.

I read through the comments on my media entry. I was really glad that people read it actually, because it's been on my mind a lot lately. I especially found it interesting that the subject of Sudan was brought up. In this class, we have to do a research project and a final presentation and I've been trying to think of a way to incorporate that topic into my area of research. I wonder why it is that Southern Sudan has been largely ignored and now Darfur is sparking attention. I must admit, in my ignorance, I had NO idea that there had been 20 years of background in the south until recently, when I talked with people from Southern Sudan and heard them present at UBC.

One man told of his experiences with reporters. He emailed a group of them, wondering why there was such a limit amount of coverage, and the response from one journalist was that the interested of the readership just wasn't there. Why now -- why Darfur? Does it have something to do with the oil-rich areas? OK, now I'm just greasing the propaganda machine and it's really nothing more than speculation, but that's kind of where I want to head with this research project. It's a bit much to undertake, though, and I fear that this might be something that I will have to pursue not for a grade but for myself. Especially with my limited knowledge at this point, and the constraints of the project, maybe I'll just stick with something a bit easier. I tend to become emotionally attached to things like this very quickly anyway, and find it hard to be objective :p.

It would be interesting, however, to see how people from the Sudan are portrayed in the print media. Do they get any direct speech, or is it mostly the elites in control of a particular bureau who are quoted, leaving the Sudanese to be indirectly represented (if at all)? That might be a bit more tangible than "Sara's Research on Why She Can't Single-Handedly Fix What She Sees as Wrong With the World and Make People Care and Be Honest and...." etc. Though that would be interesting (especially if I handed it in)!

I'd like to read that book of yours, Kiri. If ever I have the time to read NOT for school.

I don't think that the kind of contextualization that I was alluding to is actually present in the media, for the most part. I was simply entertaining some thoughts. A lot of common sense has to do with the old cliche that we have to take things with a grain of salt. Using the knowledge of the world that we have, I agree that we should be able to decipher a general idea of what's going on.

In thinking a bit further, I wonder if misrepresentation has more to do with our cultural background rather than with something intentional. Certainly, we take what we see and we interpret it. The comment about the cutting room floor and not recognizing something - I think that is a crucial point. Being raised as we have been, each person has their own conceptions of the world... it is arguably nearly impossible to remove oneself from the culture from which s/he hails. It might be as easy as someone with pure and good intentions misunderstanding or not recognizing a situation or even appropriating by accident. It happens within a culture as well, where we have different people from different families learning different things. I guess we have a lot to learn from one another. Hmm... I feel like I'm typing in circles around what I'm trying to say without actually SAYING it, but maybe that's a good thing? I should get back to work.

But let me just say that despite cultural differences, I believe there is an objective Truth out there; a Good that can be found. It's things such as faith and love that can bind us together in working towards this good, or this truth, and in bettering the world, regardless of where we were born. [Which can lead back to the issue of Sudan... I believe that genocide is intrinsically and objectively wrong, and I think most people would agree. I'm no Hobbesian: I definitely think that there is good, and that it can prevail]. It's our responsibility to try to look at the world with this in mind and to try to care for people...

The next likely topic of more serious discussion will likely be the LIMITATIONS OF LANGUAGE and why those limitations piss me off ;). That's had me thinking (and has been FRUSTRATING me!!!!!!) a lot recently as well.

Lately I've been wondering about media. This class I'm taking is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak, but it has the rusty wheels in my head slowly and painfully turning and forcing thoughts out. I wonder how a "story" in the news comes about. If it's true that the press is a tool by which to mass-produce and maintain hegemony (in a nutshell, the idea that the elite and powerful convince the rest of us that their view is best and "common sense"), how do they go about writing their stories? I've been reviewing a lot of my course readings for a summary paper that's due tomorrow (just taking a break from it; don't worry, I've been at it for days already), and there is so much interesting stuff to think about. Mats Ekstrom outlines in one of his articles a few of the tools and strategies that reporters in broadcase media can create their stories. I guess the key word there is "create". They can take Billy's sound bite and put it into a different context, often juxtaposing it against Willy's comment. This creates a dialogue, even though Billy and Willy have never met.

Context is so important - it really determines the meaning of the reported speech. So basically someone can ask Billy a question, and then use his answer against a completely different question. To what extent does the media take this? Does this sort of thing happen(?):

Willy: Do you like puppies?
Sara: Yes!

And then all of a sudden there's an interview on television that has the reporters voice asking "Do you like to run over small children in your car, Sara?" and there's me sitting there smiling and saying "Yes". Is there some sort of regulation that prevents this from happening to such an extent or is it ALL fair game? It has me paranoid!!

Journalism is crazy stuff. Journalists have a lot of power - they are in many respects story tellers, weaving quasi-fiction through their editing and snipping and clipping and recontextualization (I don't think that's a real word)... you can see it in other stuff as well.

I wonder, when someone set out, for example, to write a story about something, are they looking for a story, or do they already have a story and they need to manipulate and appropriate their sources to support and strengthen the story? One or two quotes that seem to go along with the underlying themes and opinions of the article can often be enough.

Hmm... storytellers. Splicing, splicing, splicing? Those who write songs- refining and repenning their work in order to convey in a few dozen lines a moment in their life; an event or an emotion, etc. Those who make films- do they go in there with an idea already in mind and then search for the opportunity to shoot the footage to support it? Or do they film as much as they can, capturing life as it presents itself in a particular circumstance, to get the biggest picture, and then look for the story? If there isn't a story, is there a way to MAKE one? And do people DO that? How do they decide what hits the cutting room floor and what gets released to the world. Those who write novels - I watch Ashlee tear out page after page because this is not what she wants to convey through her writing. She sometimes claims that she isn't being true to her characters. Are we all characters in a way? And another thing. Do storytellers really have that much power? Or are they under the control of their medium?

I don't know where I'm going with any of this to be honest. But maybe I'll try to work through a bit of it one of these days. I just like to share my thoughts sometimes. It's kind of fun :).

CSI at 9, Tim Ho's at 10. Good thing they don't close.

I've gone funny

We interrupt to bring you this bulletin: For some reason Blogger says that I haven't updated my blog since this post, but it is a LIE. They're feeding you LIES, people. So if you've linked from my profile, go HERE. I update this little bugger like, daily... if not more.

You know when you're overtired and you pass the zombie state and you go all weird and everything is hilarious? Yeah.... it's kinda fun but I'm so tired... just thinking about all the crap that I have to do makes me want to hide somewhere safe and warm (preferable somewhere where there's a bed). Anyway yeah I'm in a bit of a fun mood and it's not so bad, except that I have a feeling I'm going to be saying some pretty interesting stuff in my English presentation today. Sometimes that goes over well.

I'm thankful to God this morning for Charlie Horses (or as we "biologists" say [ha ha] a tetanic contraction) because it woke me up when I had convinced myself in my head that it was ok to not go to school this morning. I love trying to justify things while half asleep, because I always win. Then reality sets in and things go horribly wrong.

I think Tim Hortons will be my home this evening... after CSI of course. Must get away from noisy family. Bless their precious little hearts they just watch soooo much tv at such loud volumes and it makes me want to gnaw my own arm off. Not sure how that would help any, but it fits somehow. Tim's is white noise and white light. Good times. Plus, you're always sure to see someone that you know, which is nice as a break once in a while.

"I got out walking after midnight" <-- I have Patsy Cline in my head. I was singing "Roxanne" to Smeagol this morning as she was sneaking (though she insists she doesn't sneak) but now Patsy is back in the noggin'.

Something interesting that Brea said last night - "It's a big sick freakin' chicken" (somehow it isn't as funny written down... awww)

I think I'd prefer to leave that out of context for now, along with this one:

"How are we supposed to land chicks with these haircuts?" - Janet Giltrow (she's awesome)

Wish me luck... I'm about to enter the real world in my weakened but hilarious state.

Out of the Zone

Brea can't go on living without my blog, so I'm updating it JUST FOR HER. D'ya hear me Breanne Elizabeth Reed Mackay????????!!!! Ha.

Uhhmm.... My dad got me some new tires for the car. Yay!

*Scratches beard* what else do I have to say? I'm almost tempted to NOT say anything about the last few days (Friday - Tuesday) because there is SO MUCH to say and I'm not sure if I want to invest that much time into writing it all out. At the same time, if I pick and choose, I'm leaving out stuff that I think is equally important. It's a toughie!

Sometimes I feel like I learn my lessons in themes. Lately it has had a lot to do with my comfort zone, and stepping out of it in order to enjoy a fullness that I wouldn't have experienced remaining in the Sara Bubble (Fizz Bubble???? *slaps knee* There aren't actually that many people who call me Fizz anymore). Some examples of late:

1) Going on the YA Retreat without a really close friend, which is something I wouldn't have done half a year ago. Result: I had an AMAZING time (including a laugh attack that lasted a good 15 minutes, I went on a HIKE [I realized this weekend how much I ADORE being outside....you better watch out!], got to meet some people I probably wouldn't have met otherwise, several of my preconceptions of people were SHATTERED (which is always good), and God revealed a couple of really cool things to me.

2) Joining a new care group. Result: Let me just say that I feel really blessed and I'm so glad that I decided to listen to what God was telling me, and that I went in the direction that He was poking me in. I'm really excited about what's going to happen. We seem to all be somewhat on the same page which is SO important in my opinion.

There's a lot invested in this short comment that I just made... it's hyperbolic and doesn't do justice at all to what I'm really feeling about the group. But how do I communicate it? [side tangent: the more I study language the more inept I become and the more I wonder if I should just give up linguistic communication all together!!!!!!]

3) Daring to dream bigger, and putting my dreams into action. Result: Yesterday I had a meeting with a Red Cross rep, the Africa Network rep, and a native of Sudan. We all sat on the floor of this office in the SUB and it was so neat to see that as I shared my vision, they were willing to support me and offer advice. I don't feel like I'm doing this alone anymore. Plus... big name clubs = contacts and $. Do I have the guts to see it through?

All of that could be expanded, but it's a cute little overview for those who need to be kept up to date. Like Brea, who is precious and deserves such updates.

I see that when I take the risk and go where I feel I'm being led, the results are often so positive. That's not to say that everything in my life will be peachy because I'm following God, and I can think of many examples in mine and everyone's lives where bad stuff just happens. But I wonder if I will come to fully realize that it's worth the risk. What is the worst that can happen? I plan not to extend my risk-taking to walking in front of traffic (and I hope I never feel led by God to do that!), but seeing the result when people give up control definitely says something.

Rant rant rant rant rant!

Tonight I went to a sound course at Clayton Heights. It was cool! There are five of us including the instructor, and of course I'm the only female. Even though it's a beginner course, I learned quite a bit, which was absolutely expected. It was dirt cheap but the quality seems to be up there, and I like to get a bang for my buck. He's bringing in a board and some equiptment that we get to open up and take apart next week, so I'm really looking forward to that!

Song in my head (thanks to Dean, who deserves a good fist-shaking): Corey Hart - Sunglasses at Night

Uh Oh!!

Dammit I'm falling back into my old tricksy ways! It's.... 10 34 and I have a paper due tomorrow. Just a baby paper but of course I haven't started it. It's like I can sit here and sit and sit and sit and nothing will get written until the adrenaline starts pumping and I start to freak out. I'm so tired from this week though. Kind of agitated too. I'm going to Keats this weekend for a retreat and I am really, really excited about spending a few days on an island (literally and figuratively). I'm so tense. My goal for right now is to choose a topic - I've taken notes on both but I don't know which one I'd like to write on. Thank goodness it only has to be two pages double spaced (ie one real page).

Here are the topics (and by the way, remember when I thought I liked Aristotle? FALSE):

1. Aristotle appears to give two competing accounts of the happy (eudaimon) person: one elaborated in I.7-11, and one elaborated in X.6-8. Briefly and precisely compare and contrast the two accounts, focusing on the important differences and similarities of the two accounts. For each of them, explain the reasoning Aristotle gives for thinking that it is a true depiction of the eudaimon person (to the extent the reasoning is similar for both accounts, say so). If you have space, you may discuss whether you think one or the other of the two accounts is superior, given the more general picture of ethics and the human good that Aristotle presents.

2. Compare and contrast Epicurus and Aristotle with respect to the role that pleasure plays in the good (or “blessed”) human life. State briefly and precisely their points of agreement and disagreement. If you have space, you may discuss what you think are the strongest reasons for favouring one account over the other. For Aristotle’s view you will do well to focus on the account of pleasure found in X.4-5, but you may also want to draw upon II.3 as well as his more general account of virtue. For Epircurus’ view, you will do well to focus on the middle part of the letter to Menoeceus, and chapters 9-13 and 18 of “About the Ends of Good and Evil.”

Hmm.... compare and contrast sounds dangerous...

Speaking of dangerous, I mentioned I've been a bit tense this past week - well Kelly pushed it a bit too far tonight with her attitude. She ended up wadding a napkin up and chucking it at me while I was washing the dishes. I looked at what I held in my hands (a fork and a plate) and figured that probably wasn't the best idea, so I threw a hamburger at her instead. It was awesome. I know it's bad.... but it was harmless. And really, who throws a hamburger? It was for the dog anyway. I guess my mom has decided to train my dog not to eat human food by constantly feeding her human food. Oh... the dog. I make fun of my mom endlessly for trying to make the dog speak English, but I think she's almost done it. I can't believe it. She can't say "mama" but she says "mamama". It creeps me out. I should throw a hamburger at her, as it's the only way to solve a conflict.

Alright... almost 10 to 11 now and I'm shutting things down at 11 45 regardless, so I'd best get writing!

(yeah right)

Things that make you go hmmm

Alright, I've calmed a bit since my last post. Looking at it, though, I think it probably expressed what I was feeling rather adequately. Sometimes I just get to the point where I can be brought down by the evil in the world around me, and when you put that on top of a taxing day, it tends to bring me WAY down. I found out in the afternoon that a friend of mine was raped over the weekend. That brings it up to... 8 such occurences that have been brought to my attention over the last year. And these are the people who actually TELL someone. It's alarming to think of all the women (and men) who are assaulted and never come forward.

But that's a tangent not meant for here. So anyway... there I was last night, feeling depressed and agitated and a bit hopeless, and around 11 pm, I got a phone call. I thought it would be regarding this friend of mine, because who calls at 11 pm (thank goodness it was my cell phone or there would have been some angry people in my house!)? Anyway, it was a girl named Gina, who heard through the grapevine that I am looking to do a fundraiser / awareness event for Darfur. Turns out she is heavily involved with the Red Cross and they are super excited about helping me out.

The Sudan thing looks like it might actually happen, and I waited this time, instead of just running headfirst into it. Now I feel like I have a bit more clarity. I was in the student union building about two or so days after I'd mentioned that I was waiting for some guidance from The Man, and lo and behold there was one single, solitary paper advertising a forum on Sudan. I went to it last Tuesday and it just blew my mind. It reaffirmed where my passion was coming from as I heard these people share their stories (all were native of the Sudan), and saw a room full of people who were eager to make a difference. I met with the organizer (from the Africa Network) afterwards and expressed my desire to have an event. She looked at me and said "we have been dying to do something like this". Now this thing with the Red Cross... between the Africa Network and the Red Cross, I feel like there is a bounty of resources that is now available to me...

I just feel that I was blessed last night by that phone call, odd as it was. I was reminded that despite the evils of the world, there is also so much good. And I needed that.

#$(*&@#($*&@#(*&%)(*&@#%(*&#(*&$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are a lot of sick, sick people out there.

Wired on Coffee Again slash Still...

Coffee at night = crazy Sara.

I went to the Missions Banquet tonight at P-Po, and it was just great. All around great. We got photos from Namibia (of which I will never tire), powerpoint and stories from Uganda, hope for the Bushman Tribe, update on Peace Portal Community Church, and then the Loxicha doc. Very impactful. Dunno how often you read this Trevor, but you really captured something there, and I for one (though I know I'm not alone) was touched. I hope you realize how much your work is appreciated.

I had to drive the Z home, but that was fine... actually, I make it sound like it was painful, so let me rephrase. I got to drive the Z home!

John and I had been planning on doing something tonight but then I cancelled on him because I'd forgotten about the banquet... then I got home in reasonable time, so I ingested some caffeine and off I went to his house. So good to see him again. Such a crazy kid.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I am going to take it EASY (hopefully) and get caught up on a bunch of things. I love days where I plan no plans. Of course I probably still WILL make plans...

I am fascinated in Bio right now. We are learning about the ear and I find it so interesting. I was thinking today... you can have this incredible, top of the line soundboard, FX units, compression tools, amps, mics, etc., all designed to convert and manipulate sound... and then we have these things attached to our heads, called ears, that are so small in comparison, but manipulate sound and adapt it and convert it to signals... man needs to create an entire desk of equipment... God just gave us ears. We have been so well designed. Kinda blows me away. That doesn't do justice to what I'm trying to say, but it will do for now.

Sleep....

Simply Luxurious...

Mmmmm.... did I ever luck out! Yesterday was the Ashlee's birthday, and one of her gifts was a trip to the spa this afternoon.... for both of us. Yep! We got manicures and pedicures and it was purely delightful. Certainly not something I can afford, but yay for moms who like to treat the friend as well!!!!! My hands feel so nice right now - I don't think that I will be able to write for the next few days. I guess that means I shouldn't go to school tomorrow. Yes. That's exactly what it means. Ashlee got hers painted electric, acid-tripping blue, and insisted that I be wild and crazy as well. Since I never paint them anyway, I figured why not! Soooooo they're a lovely, scandalous red. As I'm typing, I keep catching them out of the corner of my eye and it makes me go WHOA. Of course they aren't going to match anything, so I'll have to go for the black attire (Queen of Death!!!!), but that's ok! It's frivolous and novel and I hope it doesn't chip!

The missions banquet is tomorrow night (very much looking forward to that), and the Zahida is going to be accompanying me. I feel like I'm her babysitter or something (since her concussion she's been a bit... loopy). It's kind of cute. So I went to pick up her ticket today at the church (saw the Scott, the Trevor and the Sheila... wanted to chat, didn't have time because of mine and Ashlee's excursion... WHOA THOSE ARE RED!!!), and I'm going to give her a ride home afterwards tomorrow evening. That means, of course, that she must endure the bus ride to White Rock from UBC *I'm shrieking with malicious laughter right about now*. Ahh good times. Good times.

Sniff. Kell is getting ready for her first high school dance as I type (whoa! would you look at those nails?!!!!!). It's so cute. I think she's putting on fake eyelashes.... I guess that's ok since it's a dress-up Halloween type thing... I still find it funny. I recall a Halloween dance or two at Semi. Of course my memory is hazy because of all the drugs and alcohol, but I think they were pretty fun (actually not so much with the drugs and alcohol, but no one believed me anyway). I wonder if I should ... give her a pep talk or something?

- No dancing with boys
- No talking to boys
- No looking at boys
- etc.

;)


My quiz that was supposed to be today was cancelled. Isn't that fun? My profs are all such quirky weirdos. Sometimes it can be pretty cool.

OH! Jacques Derrida died! As Bridget says, it's "Derrida ultimately deconstructed". I hate him for confusing me, but I love him for pushing me to think beyond the box.

I've never really been a fan of Shakespeare, but in the last few days I think I might be coming close to changing my mind... I read the Tempest last year and it wasn't nearly as riveting as re-reading it this year. My prof is finally getting into the historical side and I always find that to be so helpful in putting things together... the idea of culture being wrapped up in a work ("New Historicism" is apparently what it's called)... oh I miss history. Another thing I didn't think that I was that passionate about. I guess I kind of was though... does willingly taking higher level IB courses mean that I'm passionate about a subject? Or does that just make me crazy? Given that B is already true..... well I don't know what that has to do with anything, or what A equals, because I know I'm not passionate about math (actually that's kind of a lie.... I'm just really, really bad at it). Kiri? Bridget? Any thoughts, you crazy Dips? Anyway, Shakespeare is loaded and sneaky and has many things to say about many things.

Homework time! CSI is on tonight (YAAAAAAY) and then I think I'm going to go to Starbucks, so I'd best do some reading now.

I shall leave you with this:
"'Whos' in noun phrases are like little pockets... you can put all sorts of things into them, like a weapon, your lunch, your passport." (random thought from one of my English profs)

And now I'm actually laughing out loud.

Ashlee's Birthday Makes Me Happy!!!

Woooooooooooohooooooo she's legal and lethal! Happy Birthday my dear, dear friend.

Bio Mania!

Woo hoo. I can't believe that the day is done, as it went by rather quickly. The dog is snorfling, but I'm not letting her out - she is a little bastard and I just know she'll run away as per usual. I got to see MEGHAN today. I missed her!!! We had a great time catching up and she filled me in on all the goings on at Cap... both scholastic and... social. Hehe.

I did about 4 hours of Bio today. It's going well.... considering my attendance last week was somewhat less than stellar. My discipline has grown so much this year, so now it just has to extend to bio.

Alright I'm going to give in and let the dog out.

Haha. Some highly recommended light reading for this evening can be found at www.breasbabblebrook.blogspot.com. Read the one about crushes. Reeg, you're hilarious, you know that, right? I sat here by myself and laughed out loud.

"Maybe it's different with everyone, but it seems like the majority of them will just let you crush on them, and they'll go on la tee da through life, almost soaking it up, never doing anything about it. It's aggrivating, and quite retarded if you ask me...r-e-t-a-r-d-e-d!!!"

It's like, Brea versus the world.

Yesterday was a drainer, but oh so fun (at least for the most part)... I got to do sound (yee-haw). As much as I love doing it, it's a big chunk of time, so by the end of the day I was a bit drained. I made a few mistakes as usual, and some stuff went wrong over which I had no control. I stressed a bit... then when a kid jumped on the balcony and the cd track restarted, all I could do was laugh. Then the powerpoint froze. Then the camera man let the camera fall a bit... we're all going to get fired. Somehow this quote comes to mind - "You can't fire me! Slaves have to be sold!!!" Nah, it's not like that at all. It's odd actually. Everytime I do sound, approximately three thousand people thank me. Or maybe it's 10 people who thank me three hundred times each. Doesn't really matter. I find it weird, and it feels like I should be thanking them for LETTING me do sound. I'm just glad that Master T was there to bail me out when stupidity got the best of me.

I finally met up with Beth at church on Sunday and she seems really, really cool. I'm getting excited now about this care group. Trusting in God can take the guess work out of things, as long as I remember to listen and stop trying to control and fix everything by myself.

Oooh. Lucy just told me I'm her muse. Right on. Meghan and I were discussing this morning how I was HER muse as well. Last day at Tomko, we drew pictures of each other on trampoline boxes and that was her comment. I almost died of laughter. I had photos (they were... really... really, REALLY funny), but Kell erased them. Oh well. I'm so musey. Ha.

Oh shiza. Out into the cold night I go.

Yes. Dog was out barking and terrorizing as usual. I should know better, but she's so annoying when she cries and paws at the door.

Reegie and I had coffee tonight (caffeine will be the death of me): it was my reward for working hard today. She's freakin' cool. Do you remember the first time we had a sleepover like back in grade 8? We watched Clueless and you had plaid pajamas that I wanted. (Weren't we talking this evening about how I remember really weird things?)

I've been listening to Coldplay again recently. I had forgotten how much I like Parachutes. Mmmmm.... Trouble. I'm so glad that I got to see them at the Orpheum before they were big, cuz GM Place just isn't as intimate (and here's where you all say "duh Sara").

Anyway... yeah.

Uber Interessant (Ooooh! Such a Trilingual Title!)

http://www.worldonfire.ca

Go. Watch. Learn.

What a Day What a Day

Hello, hello won't you come right in? I'd give anything just to see you again.

Ha. I was typing "hello hello" and I have a song on called "Hello" so .... well one thing led to another (and I'm sure nobody cares).

First of all. Those of you going to Annie Lennox and Sting are horrid. And I mean that in the sweetest, most precious way possible. Clearly.

Mom: "Do you want me to bring you a program or something, you big baby?" Haha! Nah, I think I'm fine.

So... today. Many things going on today to think about and to savour and to feel nostalgic about.

You.... I am SO proud of you. I look over this last year and I see that you're a surivor. I hope you see that as well, amidst the conflicting emotions. Seems like the day for this: http://www.breakthesilence.ca. Yeah.

I did sound for a wedding today. Weddings = yay (and who says I'm not a mathematician!!!??). It was so beautiful. Of course I started tearing up while Phil and Trev were practicing. The actual wedding went really well (no one tripped, there was laughter and tears and everyone looked BEAUTIFUL... and from a sound perspective, I didn't ruin anything!!! I'd had this dream that someone had stolen all the DI boxes from the church... what does that tell you about the kind of life I'm living these days?).

They did Shine On Us for the procession. As soon as I heard the piano at the rehearsal last night... misty went the eyes. Soooo many memories attached to that song. Practicing with Daisy in the band room at school. Performing it with Megs at the barbeque... the hours we spent recording at the end of that year... Daisy sitting behind the piano laughing at us.... Proz's church.... and then finally when we sang it at her memorial after Daisy was murdered. I haven't listened to it since then. It was really... it was nice to hear it again, especially in that happy context once more. To hear it at a joyous occasion, watching Rebecca walk down the aisle towards the man with whom she will spend the rest of her life, and to see them go hand and hand up the stairs to start their life together (it's cool to watch two people looking at each other and see the intensity of the love they have for one another). It's taken a painful memory and helped to turn it into something not so painful.

I think I have found a caregroup v. 2.0 or whatever computer techie speak would call it. It's odd... I feel like I'm being led to join this group, and to be honest, it surprises me. It's become clear, however, that I am not being led to the one I originally intended to be part of. Too many doors have been shut. I must admit I'm a bit nervous and I'm just praying that I will know a few people in this new group and that it's the right decision.

Hmm... time to do some studying. Did some bio this morning.... must do more.

In the Lord's Arms...

We just got that call... Tante Meta passed away. I'm so thankful that I saw her on Sunday... somehow I knew that it would be the last time.

Meta has been one of the most loving people I've ever met... she was, in fact, my Oma's best friend, so not really my tante (aunt), and between the two of them... incredible love. In hindsight, I would say that she and my Oma are examples of the kind of love that Scott has been talking about. The kind that most of us can't give yet - sacrificial, deep, unbelieveable love that comes straight from above, from following Jesus for most of her 84 years. Her faithfulness and her love of Christ was inspirational. He was the centre of her life. The world surely will miss her - we need more people like her.

Despite not spending much time with her these last few years, we've always seemd to have a connection that surpassed physical closeness. I can't believe it but she recognized me when we were there on Sunday. Everyone was shocked. She held my face like she always did. The last thing she said to me when we were leaving, while I gave her a hug, was to the effect of "I'm going to be with your Oma soon." Of course it made my eyes cloud, but at the same time, she had just been telling everyone how excited she was about going to Heaven. I bet she and Oma are causing a ruckus (they were such fiesty little women).

Sunday night, God offered me some clarity, which I needed after an afternoon of brooding... I went into Monday with joy, knowing that her journey would not be ending here. It's ok for me to be sad, but wow... she is exactly where she always wanted to be. How could I ever want her to come back to this fallen world? When you think about it that way, I've got nothing to offer as an argument. I'm so happy for her. Sad for myself. Happy. Sad. Happy and sad.

Those of you who are so inclined... I would truly appreciate prayer for my family... My mom especially is taking this very hard, and I hope that amidst the sorrow she might seek comfort in knowing that her precious auntie is in the Lord's arms now.

I Love Jackson!!!

Jackson is the best. He's such a handy little guy to have around whenever I'm in need. On the bus, in my living room at 10 30 at night, walking home from YA, doesn't matter. He rules. (For those of you who don't know, Jackson is my mindisc player... I acquired him when I was still naming things). I spent about 20 minutes just now dancing around my living room, and the best part is that while I was getting my freak on, my family was fast asleep. Mwuahaha. Sneakiness!! I enjoyed a brisk walk home from Young Adults and so I had lots of energy.... though a few minutes of reading my Bio textbook will put me to sleep :D. It's by a guy named "Martini". What a wicked name to have. Truth be told, I am a little bit fond of martinis.

Speaking of bio, I managed to stay awake in class today and I was actually engaged for the most part!!! And when I was in the dungeon reading this evening, it was making sense. I'm so glad. I missed three buses tonight in an attempt to make it back to White Rock, but I made it only a few minutes late... good thing nothing ever starts on time at P-Po (that's what the homies call it. not that I would know). But the bio is entering the brain and sticking around, so I'm glad I decided to go back and get the textbook, which I left on a bankmachine in the SUB.

Today's the first day since last Friday that I've been able to hear properly. Both my ears were plugged. Kind of an interesting perspective, but not something that I'm very fond of, especially when I need them to work by Wednesday evening. But they're all fixed and suddenly I feel as though the world is yelling at me!

So yeah, I had Basement Jaxx on repeat - it reminds me of the days when I was a cheerleader. Haha, yesterday at the Breast Cancer walk, there was a cheerleading team performing and I was thinking "oh look at how sloppy her form is" and "she should be going higher". But that's because I'm mean and nasty. *Sigh* I was such a good cheerleader. HAHAHAHAHA. Oh gosh that was a few years ago. *I'm feeling all nostalgic!!* It was a great experience though. I even was head cheerleader one year, and I got to be in a movie, and I was on the BC AllStar team and I was all full of spirit and crap like that. But it's true what they say about cheerleading moms... they're crazy. This is why my mom never socialized with any of them. Because we're a different kind of crazy here in this family!!!

I have a confession...

Are you ready...?

Michelle Harper would laugh at me...

I'm kind of enjoying reading Aristotle in my philosophy class... (Sara: Aristotle? What's that? Michelle: INCEST YOU SAY?????? -- the story here is that Aristotle married his niece who was also his adopted daughter... we, as grade 10 students, found this very amusing) what kind of weirdo am I? I knew it was bad, but this is verging on ridiculous! I don't know that I agree with the guy, but I do respect the way that he writes. I guess it's no worse than liking Derrida (I found out one of my profs studied him a lot in her graduate classes and she's looking for something else for me to read by him... again... something is wrong).

Hehehe I'm talking to Brea on MSN and I have the picture of myself scowling... works out perfectly because it looks like I'm scowling at the conversation... not true by any means, but fun nonetheless!!!! OH! Turns out that Kelly deleted the pictures while she was taking pictures of Kaleena. They met some guy on the internet and told him that Kaleena is a model so they were trying to doctor up some photos. I need to have a talk with the KellBell or something. Cuz that really isn't very cool at all.

I get to do sound for a wedding this weekend... I love weddings. Of course, I'm going to cry, but as long as it isn't enough to short all the electronics up there, I'll be fine. I'll just bring kleenex.

Good songs:
Basement Jaxx - Red Alert (though there are some crummy remixes)
Dishwalla - Candleburn, Opaline
Ben Harper - Diamonds on the Inside
Sarah Harmer - Almost
Dakona - Sara's Playground (though clearly for the title)
Anything Floyd Cramer (he was an oldies piano player... my mom... no wait I shouldn't tell stories like that)
Groove Armada - Superstylin' (radio mix)
Apocalyptica - Nothing Else Matters
Counting Crows - Accidentally in Love
Howie Day - More You Understand (solo acoustic)
Stevie Ray Vaughan - Lenny
Tom Petty - Learning to Fly
The Killers - Somebody Told Me (I REALLY like the drums... I don't really know what the other instruments are doing, but the drums are great)

[I've been going through all of the eleventy kabillion songs on my computer, and these are a few goodies that I had forgotten about]

I'm always looking for new music, so anyone has any suggestions, do pass them on :D.

One final thing that's been swimming in the sea that is my brain. I've said it once and I'll say it again. I don't think that people tell each other enough how cool they are. There are so many times when someone will say to me "oh I love the way that person did blah blah blah" or something to that effect, but then not tell the person. I think that it's the coolest thing to be able to tell someone how amazing you think they are... and yet sometimes I don't have the "courage" (in quotes because I am not impressed with that word but can't think of anything better) to do it either. I wonder why this is. I don't know who reads this... but everyone is cool in their own right (Is it right or rite? I think it's right). If you're my friend, one of my relatives, someone browsing and accidentally caught in my world of whimsy (you poor thing!!!!), trust me... there are amazing things about you. Just thought I'd remind you, in case you'd forgotten.

Well... I have nothing else to say. I've run out of words. (LIES!!!! But I have to drink I mean read some Martini).

(wow, can you tell that i like typing, and don't like reading bio?)

Correction / Retraction / Humblest Apologies

First of all, sources have pointed out that I suck and so I would like to issue the following clarification: It was Zahida's sister's husband's sister that had the liver transplant. I guess I've been studying too much of the Sumerian and Babylonian literature in one of my English classes that I forget, it's not normal for brothers and sisters to get married. My bad.

I'm kind of sad today.

Looking forward to church.

"And if I am a Sailor... You are the Warm North Wind... and You've Blown into this Little Town and Rouse My Dreams Again"

Line from a Sarah Harmer song that's been in my head for a while now I guess. I must say, I'm a fan of the Sarahs.... Sarah Harmer, Sarah Latheron, Sarah McLachlan. Maybe it's that h that gives a little bit more zazz ;).

Went to a place called "Also" in Richmond this evening for Zahida's birthday dinner. Kiri and I picked her up because I didn't think that she should be driving with her concussion (long story short, she fainted and hit her head while at the hospital waiting to hear the news about her sister's brother's sister's liver transplant). The restaurant... hmm.... Lousy service, lousy prices, lousy food, GREAT company. There were about 15 of us I figure, and it was good times. I was surprised at how many people I knew at the table. It's hard to believe that Zahida and I met in such an interesting way and now we're so close. Funny how things just "work out" that way.

So it turns out that I might not have a care group after all... we'll see... but I absolutely trust that I will end up where I'm supposed to be. I want to be in a group where we can grow together and support and hold each other accountable... and also wrestle with the questions of Christian living.

I don't want to work tomorrow. But what can you do?

Apparently Kelly has erased all the pictures on our digital camera, so everyone is in a big hoopla or something. I have a feeling that I'm going to be getting some heat for not putting them on my computer.... but really that makes no sense. They aren't my pictures. One should not leave important pictures on a digital camera for months, if you ask me. My family should actually learn how to use the thing and then they can do it themselves. So I'm going to see if there's some sort of magical "undo stupidity" feature. I'm sure glad that it wasn't me doing the deleting. Weddings don't tend to repeat themselves.

Wow... pretty boring stuff going on here today. Yesterday wasn't much better. It's probably my backpack. I have been aching from my neck to my tailbone for the last week and a half and I'm certain that it's because of the backpack. My silly laptop is the culprit I believe, but it's a catch 22 because the little bugger is so very useful to have on campus when secluding myself in the dank dingy pits of Koerner. Too bad people suck and I can't just leave it in my locker between classes. So yeah. I'll blame the boring on the backpack.