"How you gonna change the world when you're stuck on a shelf?"
"Does it piss you off? Does it just piss you off?" - Me
"Yes. It's hard to know what to do. I want to go back there, my dream is that it will stop. But it's the politics." - Him
It's like... sometimes you feel paralyzed, immobilized... because you know that you aren't going to make a big difference, no matter what you do or how hard your work, or how much you believe in something. Kind of a "what's the point of doing this?" sort of night.
No one who reads this DOESN'T know that I'm involved in planning an event to raise money and awareness for genocide in Africa. We've hit speedbump after roadblock after brickwall, and I have had so many moments of doubt. Why would God lead me in this direction, only to make it so, so difficult? It's hard to keep yourself from wondering if maybe you got the wrong message. I tend to get caught up in what my intentions are, and I have this line of thinking where God will punish me if I act on the wrong good intentions, even if the outcome is also good. Creates a lot of inner turmoil, and I tend to overanalyze.
I was at work, seriously pondering, and was about to ask Nicole why God was toying with me. Then, less than a minute later, a man from Darfur walked in. We talked, shared our frustration, encouraged one another. It was very, very cool. He had a big smile and an easy laugh. And dreams. And a heart beat. And a soul. My gosh, why do we live as though some people are expendible? People are not expendible. Africans are not expendible.
I think that's all I have to say for now... nothing else is really coming out coherent. I was trying to go somewhere with all of this, but it's not happening. Maybe it's the paralysis. Haha.
ps - my dog is the cutest dog in the entire world and i love her so much that it's almost embarrassing. she's currently sleeping in my laundry basket.
"Yes. It's hard to know what to do. I want to go back there, my dream is that it will stop. But it's the politics." - Him
It's like... sometimes you feel paralyzed, immobilized... because you know that you aren't going to make a big difference, no matter what you do or how hard your work, or how much you believe in something. Kind of a "what's the point of doing this?" sort of night.
No one who reads this DOESN'T know that I'm involved in planning an event to raise money and awareness for genocide in Africa. We've hit speedbump after roadblock after brickwall, and I have had so many moments of doubt. Why would God lead me in this direction, only to make it so, so difficult? It's hard to keep yourself from wondering if maybe you got the wrong message. I tend to get caught up in what my intentions are, and I have this line of thinking where God will punish me if I act on the wrong good intentions, even if the outcome is also good. Creates a lot of inner turmoil, and I tend to overanalyze.
I was at work, seriously pondering, and was about to ask Nicole why God was toying with me. Then, less than a minute later, a man from Darfur walked in. We talked, shared our frustration, encouraged one another. It was very, very cool. He had a big smile and an easy laugh. And dreams. And a heart beat. And a soul. My gosh, why do we live as though some people are expendible? People are not expendible. Africans are not expendible.
I think that's all I have to say for now... nothing else is really coming out coherent. I was trying to go somewhere with all of this, but it's not happening. Maybe it's the paralysis. Haha.
ps - my dog is the cutest dog in the entire world and i love her so much that it's almost embarrassing. she's currently sleeping in my laundry basket.
posted by Sara at
10:44 p.m.
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